- Lauren Pappas
How My Communication Journey Changed my Personal Development
Updated: Feb 5, 2022
I didn’t plan to become passionate about empowering conscious leaders with clear, impactful, and connected communication. It evolved organically from my own personal development.
Let’s be real, learning communication tools may carry some stigma. In our culture, we value the outspoken, the articulate, the inspiring communicator - against that backdrop, who wants to admit they could use some help being understood, and understanding others?
I know admitting that I needed help communicating my ideas, experiences and needs was not easy. My intimate personal experience with waking up to being a more effective communicator has invited me to share how rewarding this journey is.
My communication journey has taught me that I want to normalize:
We aren’t taught or socialized, to communicate with conscious intention. We can acknowledge that without it needing to be anyone’s fault.
As conscious leaders, communicating with conscious intention is our honor, privilege, and greatest gift to ourselves and all of our relationships.
Examining our existing communication patterns and learning ones is a window into a profound and empowering personal development journey.
Above all, I want to inspire others to develop new communication tools and practices because deeper communication is one of the most fulfilling, transformative journeys we can embark on.
So, let’s dive into the personal juice! If you asked me ~10 years ago, prior to my communication journey “what kind of communicator are you?”, I’m guessing I would have said:
At work - Long-Winded: I used many words to describe even the simplest concepts. I keep getting feedback in my performance reviews: “be more concise.” It’s so embarrassing - I know I’m smart, so I don’t know why I can’t just use fewer words to express myself. Sharing this makes me even more embarrassed.
Intimate Relationships & Family Life - Blistering: I generally think of myself as a calm person, but sometimes I just lose it. It comes out of nowhere, like it’s been building up. I try to apologize - hopefully people understand. I guess everyone does this.
Public Life - Hesitant: I hate to admit it, but I care a lot about what other people think about me. It’s hard to sound polished and intelligent, while also being real and myself. Sometimes without realizing it, I use slightly self-deprecating humor or overshare to create intimacy.
If this is where you say: the answer is easy. Be concise! Just, say what’s on your mind! And, stop being so insecure - just be yourself.
Then, this is where I smile, and sigh. If it was that easy, I would not have had those communication patterns in the first place.
I learned that fixating on the actual communication habit didn’t allow for much change because communication is not a cognitive process: it is equally an emotional experience and a physical process. Our values & beliefs (many of which are unconscious) and neural patterning connecting all of this is involved. And so, to truly create new communication patterns, we need to address all of these elements.
For me, what was going on? A belief that I needed to prove my worth through my intelligence. A propensity to be thinking toward the future. An ever present, unmet need to be seen, to be witnessed, to connect deeply. And amidst it all, mild anxiety.
I didn’t SEEK to improve communication; I sought greater access to my joy and purpose, stumbled into the intersection of consciousness & communication. I discovered the more I traveled down my communication empowerment journey, the more I gained intimacy with self, access to my unique capabilities, and a greater ability to connect deeply with others.
I kept going deeper not to “improve my communication skills” - but just because… it was so, SO rewarding, and felt so, SO good.
Here’s what my personal growth journey has entailed:
Gaining distance from unconscious stories, evaluations, and judgements
Practicing tools that help me be present and access my internal experience
Deeply discerning my emotions and needs
Tending to my own needs rather than blaming my experience on others
Radically accepting that I am only responsible for my own actions and emotional experience, AND my actions and choices impact the actions and choices for others
And, here’s how I would describe my communication patterns, today. You may notice the patterns are different, but more importantly, so is the way I describe them.
At Work - At Ease: I notice more often, I can access a sense of trust in my inner wisdom. I feel calmer while speaking and more present while listening. Even though my memory is imperfect, I am fairly certain I am more concise.
Family Life & Intimate relationships - Trusting: I am able to ask for support in meeting my needs and negotiate creatively with my communication partner when needed. I trust that I can set boundaries and advocate for myself in a compassionate way.
Public Life - Grounded: I value being myself more than being accepted by others. When I’m connected to my internal experience, whatever I say feels resonant and authentic.
I'm excited to bring forth my offerings so more people can learn to implement clear, impactful, and connected communication. I offer a 6 & 12 Week Intensive workshop called Wake the Talk Up! where we explore in-depth practices for effective communication. The next 6-week cohort begins October 27th, 2021.
Send me a message to learn more about Wake the Talk Up! or collaborate with me on a custom offering.